Really nervous about putting this up. No idea if I even like it or not. Ohlawd, I'm ridiculous. Beta person said it was fine, but still! I'll just shut up now, hur. : ]
Shuu/Kira, suggested platonic Kira-Gin, and subtle mentions of Blindy McBlindBlind even if that’s not a pairing~
PG for mild language, because I’m terribly boring.
I do not own or affiliate myself with anyone who does own rights to the intellectual property of BLEACH.
Characters are at legal age of consent.
This fic was inspired by episode 22 of PlantES as well as the Von Braun arc of the series, with one quote taken directly from Hoshino’s alter-ego.
I have a secret love for things written in the first person so, sorry if you don’t like it because of that.
The evening hum of crickets was a shuttering reminder of him and his departure of only a few weeks ago. Funny, it had seemed longer than that, but perhaps that was because of my mindset, the responsibilities he left for me to handle admittedly overwhelming even for someone used to a day’s hard, honest work. Well, not funny, but I guess humor is a better way to look at it all than with anger or depression as that didn’t seem to get people far and tripped them up on the daily odds and ends that still needed to be fulfilled. There hadn’t been a pause since that day and in truth I had tried not to think about it up until now.
Because now, a cricket was staring at me.
It was just sitting there, not chirping along with the others on a blade of grass no more than a foot away from me. Creepy, like it’s looking at me and only me with those big, blank eyes and...no, can’t think about that right now, I had to get back to my, his...whatever’s office to finish up the little stack of paperwork I had left till the last minute. Unlike me, but Renji had wanted to talk and I couldn’t turn him down, especially since I had felt a grinding headache coming on before being called away from my solitary work.
Was about to ignore that damned insect too, actually turning my head back toward the path ahead of me until the thing bounced away, the movement drawing my eye back to it. Despite myself, I watched it jump through the dark of night until it leads my attention to a color that didn’t quite fit in with the scheme; blonde.
Weird, the only person I know who had blonde hair was...
Smirking, even though I could easily question why Kira Izuru was laying down in the grass, at night, and so close to my division, but right now it seemed too petty as I just got the sudden urge to sit down next to him, ignore that all but forgotten work a little longer, and talk. Just talk. We had been friends for what felt like forever now so it wouldn’t seem strange if I just plopped myself next to him. Which was just what I did but a moment later.
“Hey,” I said casually, sitting down next to him while leaning my weight into my hands, the grassy hill making that a little awkward. At first, there’s no reply as if he were completely in his own little world, which makes me raise a brow about to lean over and wave a hand in his face before suddenly Kira jumps in his spot and looks over to me like his eyes might pop out, stuttering out,
“H-Hisagi-san! I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Are you-?”
“Calm down, Izuru,” I placed a hand on his shoulder, tense as it was, pushing him gently back to his spot even if he seemed determined to stay a bundle of nerves, “I just wanted to see what you were up to. Haven’t seen you since-”
“Since they left?”
Blinking, a frown tugging at my smile, turning my attention to the ground in front of me as I just couldn’t stand looking at those liquid blue eyes that carried way too many feelings for me to handle all at once.
“Yeah, guess so,”
Then we both just sort of go quiet, me not knowing what to say to even begin to comfort that and Kira still staring at me as if I would suddenly have all the answers. Wish I did. Though I didn’t, he seemed to get some comfort just for me being there, laying back down with his head resting on a hand. A little smile comes back to my face, because, well, at least the friend I was hoping to be much more than that after all these years garnered comfort from my presence. Maybe that was a selfish thought, but it was a nice one, too.
For a long while, what feels like hours even if it were only a few minutes, we lay there in silence and stare up at the stream of sparkling, white dots that cluster in the dark sky, a scene that always stirred me into deep thought despite my loathing for such things. Maybe it was just human nature to look at the sky and wish for something, even if that something or someone, I should say, was right next to me though he felt a million miles away.
“You know, people...are like stars. At first glance, they all seem very close together, but in reality, there is nothing but cold, dark space separating them.”
“...why would you say something like that, Hisagi-san?”
My surname and an honorific that I don’t deserve in such friendly company; See what I mean? Distant...cold....
“Exactly my point,”
Shuffling over to his side to look over at me, he speaks low, words tinged with worry, “What do you mean by that?”
I sigh and smack my forehead at my stupidity, grinning inwardly just to lighten the suddenly tense mood. Even if I meant to keep it internal, it feels rather appropriate that I keep my feelings close and open even if all of a sudden I feel like a hypocrite. Stupid for trying to sound all deep and shit, too. So much for trying to be philosophical...
Again, it got quiet and I just felt really uncomfortable with it. Maybe I should just leave? Obviously Kira didn’t want me around and I was probably just making whatever feelings he had worse an-
He pointed to somewhere above the Soukyoku Hill, as if he knew that one spot like the back of his hand and was exact in his direction. I raised a brow, about to open my mouth and ask what the hell he meant by that, figuring whatever it was to be the thing distracting him until he just sort of murmured,
“That’s where he was before he left.”
Squinting my eyes really hard, I can make out the mostly blurry shape of the hill until I realize how stupid it was for me to do that. How stupid it was for Kira to still be obsessing over that bastard. For some reason it makes me angry, something boiling up in my gut, biting my lip to hold back any crude remark that I knew I’d regret a moment later. Just...why couldn’t I get through to him? Tell him to stop and realize that yeah, ok, he’s gone, but someone else is here to help him through it, someone who was going through the same damn thing, and-and I didn’t have a clue how to convey that to him. Tell him to trust me, like in the old days in the academy, and tell him that everything was going to be alright. I just wanted to tell him that, shout at him to stop, but the words kept getting stuck in my throat!
“Shuuhei, I don’t understand,”
Wait, what? Did I miss something? Guess I spaced out too, because he was hugging his knees to his chest and looking over at me with the same eyes as before. Can’t. Look. Too. Damn. Cute. Yet. Sad. Urgh!
“Why did they leave?”
I didn’t know. I was supposed to know, I was, am, Kira’s sempai. He had called me that since the moment we met, being way too respectful and nice for his own good. It’s what I loved about him even back then, but...I just couldn’t answer this one.
“I don’t know, ‘zuru,”
Couldn’t help but notice that the nickname made a small, little smile tug at his lips even if he was likely determined to keep that frown on. I smile right back, a muffled chuckle passing my lips even if such light-heartedness didn’t feel entirely appropriate when such a tense mood hung about the two of us. Little things like that had always made him laugh, back then, though something welled up inside of me to see him just smile now after all he went through on that day. After all we went though on that day.
And then it hit me, like someone suddenly punched me in the gut or whatever. This was going to sound dumb and corny, but Izuru was the type to appreciate anything idiotic that came out of my mouth, either way.
“About what I said before, I’m wrong.” Well, that certainly piqued his interest enough to look at me a little more intently.
“You know how you can make pictures out of the stars if you connect them?” And I pointed to the sky to make my point, tracing lines between the dots at the one constellation I knew by heart, even if the name failed me, “Well, maybe people are like that too. Maybe even though they may look really far apart they’re really connected, so even though they’re gone they’re actually still here.”
And then I paused. Yeah, that was too corny, so now I was just waiting to be laughed at. Yet, instead of that soft chuckle of his, Kira only nods, that smile a bit more permanent on his face and says softly,
“Kind of like us?”
Eh-, did he just?
Then I just feel his hand touch mine, tangling thin fingers with my own. Looking over to him surprised, the blonde just leans over and kisses me on my cheek with those thin, soft lips I had wanted to feel for so long. Stunned, stunned, with my mouth gaping open slightly like a retarded fish, and incredibly turned on, though that was such a crude thought to have as I lose the tension in my face and just smiled back at Izuru, saying,
“Yeah, just like us.”